I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
