escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
