I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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