First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
