She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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