im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
