Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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