We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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