two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
