Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
