I got chris browned last night
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
