this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
