the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
