So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
