New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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