so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
