You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
areolas are like halos for boobs.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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