Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
A+ Viking dick
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
