You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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