There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
