Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
