They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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