Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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