What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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