tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
