Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my poor anus
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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