She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
