My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm always down for nudity.
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