It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
