Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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