I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
