You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
