apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
