she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't deserve a penis
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
