hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I have post one night stand depression
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
