exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
