I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
