I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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