Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
