one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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