i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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