Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
