i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
