why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
