We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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