either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
