I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
