I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
tequila makes me forget i have legs
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
