Taylor Swift is so right about you.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
