I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
