oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
